I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
