I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That accounts for only three of the penises
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
