I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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