is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
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Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
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I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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