My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
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i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
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He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.