is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.