If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
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My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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