dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?