I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.