all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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