I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
