I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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