K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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