I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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