I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
