I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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