What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
