i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
