hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Randomize
