Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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