my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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