Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
