last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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