where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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