im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
