Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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