I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
