We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
