Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
