I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
