dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
