Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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