sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
