I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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