my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
