Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
