I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
