chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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