I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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