why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we have pet lesbian snakes
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
