evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
