I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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