no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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