he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
