I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
