I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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