im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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