Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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