I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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