please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
that's an acceptable place to lick
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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