Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
