my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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