Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
