at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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