new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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