at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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