my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
