She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
