I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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