Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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