just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
