So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm passing your future prison.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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