So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
