Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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