so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina is officially offended.
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Im part way to drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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